Sunday, August 22, 2010

2nd 1st day of school, crazy week & maddening weekend

Yes, second first day of school. As in my first child had a second first day of school one week after her first first day of school. Confused? Well, some of you know that I'd been homeschooling and that I do Montessori Method. If I had chosen to do homeschool with no other agenda, I would have been simply eclectic, however, my public school system has a Montessori program in 3 of it's schools. The thing is that the rules of the county make it very difficult to get in unless you live in the neighborhood. But, there is a slim chance which widens ever so slightly as the kids get older IF they've had previous Montessori experience - hence our Montessori homeschool. So, this past year I had an odyssey traversing the administrative offices' policies, personnel, red tape, and their physical office move. It culminated in a frustrating phone conversation where the woman ultimately told me, I can't give you the actual information you're trying to find over the phone, but I can tell you it is very unlikely you'll get in this year. Which of course meant at the end of the business day on the second day of school, I get a call from the department that handles this stuff. Only, she called my cell so I didn't get the message until the next day and she never answered her phone or returned calls so I finally went up there (thanks Violin Mama for watching the kiddos while I did it!) and found out that we did indeed get into the Montessori program!! So, I had to scramble around to get all the paperwork, fill in forms, meet unknown deadlines, find new school supplies and prepare my child for a big change. Not to mention, we now had to be leaving the house at the same time as we normally sit down for breakfast. As you may have noticed in the photo, she's got a big 'ole bagel in her hand as we head out. Also, she's not wearing her bird shoes because only one of them was where it was supposed to be and 10 minutes of searching didn't yield it up. ugh.
So, a great portion of my week was spent trying to figure out the least time consuming way of making our new commute - 1.5 hours total drive time plus time in the carpool line, which has been just a couple of minutes in the morning but about 35 in the afternoons. BUT SHE'S IN!! (and now that it's been a week she seems settled)

Then there's the part which I didn't speak about in my last school post... my marriage.
I believe I may have mentioned here that I would be happy if Joe got a job out of town for a while to give us a break. Well, my wish was answered and he now works out of town during the week. And you know what? It really is easier here without him. No, I don't get a break, but I also don't have all the extra work that having him around means. Cleaning up his messes, doing his laundry, dishes and well, him. But the last 3 weekends have been really hard. I just spent some time typing out the "highlights" of his bad behavior, but it was getting tedious even to me and I'm the one who needs to vent, so I erased it. It was as it always is, his words are one thing and his actions are another plus he is in general a slob. At this point, I guess I honestly do have to look at this as my problem and figure out what to REALLY do because clearly his words and actions are never going to match up. I'm not married to the man that exists only on thin air, I am married to the man that does the actions that I find unacceptable. Divorce is so tempting, but it is not just me here. I know, "they" say don't just stay together for the kids, but really, what else is there to do? My fears of the unknown and hopes for the future kept me from returning to school (we chose for him to return instead and he's barely had a job since then - a decade ago), so there's the low income potential for me and I just don't believe I can rely on him to pay child support - one of those words vs. actions things. And frankly even if money weren't an issue I don't feel I can subject the kids to his solo parenting. Aside from all the problems that would cause them, I'd have to be the one to try and straighten it out every week so we'd be back on the school schedule. I'd always be the "bad cop." It's bad enough that I'm the only one who's always a parent, but at least here I can keep us more consistent so I don't always have to be the "mean" one. Although, I wouldn't be the mean one since he can usually only spend about 15 minutes with the kids before losing his temper. I've timed it. He lasted a whole 30 minutes on Friday before he laid down on the couch and yelled at the kids to be quiet and leave him alone so he could "finally relax" & watch baseball. He's so lonely, so bored and misses us so badly during the week, but I guess 30 minutes is all he really needs to fill the void. Blah, blah blah right? You're tired of hearing me say this crap? Me, too.


MojoMama said...

Wow... it's like reading a story of my marriage. I'm sorry! I totally understand where you're coming from, in so many ways. Empty promises get so tiring. They promise to work on this, they promise to work on that. And when you ask them to hold up their end of the bargain, all you get is griping about how they don't want to, they're tired, they hate doing it, etc etc. But they turn around and expect you to keep your end of the deal too. And, like you... fear of the unknown is often what keeps me here. Sometimes... just the fact that I financially could not make it on my own right now is the only thing that keeps me under the same roof as him. Not that we're doing all that well financially here at home either. *sigh*

If you ever wanna talk, I'm willing to listen!! *hugs*

Also... yay for school! Even if it was a PITA to figure out! I'm looking forward to the new school year starting here. I'm trying to get my son into a school with a better developmental services program, but that's easier said than done. I'm glad you were able to get your daughter into the program!!

Lindsey said...

Wow, yeah I do know and understand marriage is a lot of work. Just hang in there, I believe you guys can make it work and come to an understanding of some sort but I totally hear ya!

ViolinMama said...

I love you, and always am hopeful, prayerful, yet got your back. Remember to be honest and never settle as best you can - though I totally see your concerns, and valid points. You amaze me with yout strength and gumption. Just don't ever sell your soul. Somehow Joe needs to remember why he loves you and then man up and treat you better. You can fight for your marriage while staying married...that is for sure. Just keep reaching, climbing, and fighting. Love you!!

And I'm so thrilled about the call coming for Montessori school. It's about time a dream of yours was realized. You deserve the moon.

Love you guys! We're always here!

Scary Mommy said...

It's hard. So hard. I'm bad cop too, and it sucks.