Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mother's Day's a bitch, no wait, my husband's just an ASS

This morning, I was woken up to the sound of my husband bursting through the bedroom door (it only opens quietly if you do it on purpose) and then slamming it shut. "What's wrong?" I ask. He replies in a loud and gruff voice, "AT peed on the floor, right in front of the refrigerator. She's cleaning it up." And he goes into the bathroom, slamming that door, too. He comes out declares "I only slept a couple of hours, I need more sleep" and crawls into bed. Conveniently leaving out the part about why he only slept a couple of hours. I'm 99% sure the answer is that he stayed up all night playing computer games - as usual. After a few minutes he says, "Are you going to give her a bath, or just wipe her down?" Happy Freakin Mother's Day to Me.

So, I go down stairs to find the giant puddle of pee left behind by a 6 year old whose bladder had been filling for 11 hours. (Yes, I have to make her go potty almost every morning because she almost always insists that she doesn't have to pee and YES Joe* knows this about her, but because I'm usually in charge an accident is very uncommon.) So she and I clean the pee and I mop, although since the sinks have been full for 4 days (his chore) and Joe ruined the mop bucket, it isn't an easy task. (stand off on chores = a whole other post, but let's just say he spent all the hours he was at home yesterday playing that same computer game with a little hockey watching thrown in.) OK that's done.

But where is the pancake breakfast in bed that the children have been asking Joe to do for 2 days? Hmm, first the kitchen would have to be clean enough to a. have enough room to move and b. have enough clean dishes to cook and eat on. Second, Joe would have to actually be awake and downstairs. So, children what did you have to eat? Nothing? Big surprise. Here's a fantastic breakfast: chocolate milk and doughnuts (boo, unfrosted cake doughnuts, I'm a meanine). While I'm fixing the breakfast of pee-on-the-floor-champions, AK comes and asks me to change him. Yep, they'd been up for an hour and a half (I know because they named the 3 shows they watched) and hadn't been taken to the toilet (even though she shouldn't have to be), had a diaper changed or fed. I wouldn't be so ticked if this weren't typical for the one day a week I ask to not be in charge in the morning, despite telling Joe repeatedly it's unacceptable.

And here we are at 9:30am and I can say yet another Mother's Day that sucks ass.

* names are no longer changed to protect the innocent, because, let's face it, he's not so innocent.


Cranky Mommy said...

He woke up at noon, fussing at GR "you keep coming into what ever room I am sleeping in talking at the top of your voice"

She was whispering to me, for only the second time since 11:45, while I was taking a shower.


Plus it's 12:20 & my dad is the only one who's told me "Happy Mother's Day."

Not looking for sympathy comments just GOTTA VENT!

ViolinMama said...

I'm REALLY pissed for you currently. this sounds like the laziest and tackiest one yet. Seriously.

Ok - my Hubby gets home around 7pm - you and I going out for coffee, drinks (you, I'll drive?), dessert, a movie or something...? I'm @#$# serious. Let HIM be in charge this evening.

I'm serious...!!

contact said...

365 days a year - and he (let any husband/ass name be filled in) can't take a moment to make it special for mom? I feel for you sister!

I didn't exactly have a Hallmark moment type of day either, but I have to blame it on the alien/teenager in the house. He at least has an excuse - he's an ass-in-training. But hubbies around the world should know better. Better luck next year!

JennyMac said...

Oh no! Maybe he will make up for it today? Or he can pour you a giant glass or red wine at least? :)

Virginia said...

Who raised this man? Did he wish her a Happy M's Day?

You have my condolences.

Alex @LateEnough said...

just leave him the kids on father's day... tell him it's his day to BE A DAD.

cheekymama said...

I feel for you. It's astonishing just how sometimes your husband is not so much a partner as really just an ASSociate. I agree with dishing out similar treatment come father's day, in the spirit of equal opportunity and all that. Belated happy mum's day anyway.


ViolinMama said...

ASSociate....haahah!! That's great!

Brahm said...

Ha ha ha.. totally made me howl!

mrs.notouching said...

well... my Mother's Day was fabulous... but only because my birthday was a few days before that and he failed miserably, so naturally I have released all my pregnant hormonal fury on him... and that sort of gave him an idea of what needed to happen...((hugs))

Amber, The Unlikely Mama said...

Ok, your crappy day beat mine by far. At least my ASSociate kinda tried. So sorry!