Monday, March 8, 2010

I was blind-sided

and am still reeling from it. Though I am linking up with Mama Kat, I had intended to tell some of this story anyway since I had to spend several hours with the antagonist last weekend. I wasn't sure how I was going to get into the story though, as there is so much of it, some of which is too raw and my husband wouldn't want me to share it all.
So, I'll tell the part that is the most mine to tell.

During the summer of 2003, my husband and his brother were in the process of moving their parents out of their home. Their parents were quite angry with each other at this time. Mother stayed with us for 3 months and then was spending the summer with Brother. During this time, Hubs was looking for a house for Father to move into as none of us were prepared to have him live with us and he didn't want to anyway. Hubs found a suitable place, told Brother the plan, including to say, "We're going to get him so he can see the house for himself and if he likes it, buy it. We're just going to get a few items: bed, chair etc so he can move in. He said that other than "his" things, he didn't care what Mother took." However, Big Brother felt it would be better for their whole family to drive 2 days so they could show up unexpected in the middle of everything. Lots of fighting between the parents ensued, lots of ugly things were said by Brother, selfish, money grubbing, mean, and untrue things. We were all shocked by the monetary demands he put towards his parents and by his reaction upon their refusal. Reactions which eventually came over a period of time, which revealed his true nature. These were bad enough, but the thing that blindsided me was the behavior of his wife.
While Hubs was trying to mediate between Brother and Father in the living room, I was in the dining room with Mother helping her sort items that she wanted to have at each of her son's house. Sister-In-Law comes in from the back, where presumably she was with her 2 kids. She comes up to me asking me all kinds of questions about the real estate in a threatening tone. There are no answers to her questions because she was coming at it from the idea that we'd already sold that house, bought another, and were packing up everything in this one to take with us. Despite what we'd told her, despite the short amount of time that had passed and despite the fact that there was only the smallest u-haul tow trailer behind our car. She became more and more irate, hissing hate at me and began to thrust her finger at me. Then she began to advance, poking her finger into my chest. I was effectively pushed into a corner and I didn't know what she would do next. Just then my husband entered the room, stuck his arm between us and then inserted his body in the space as she continued to advance. "You need to step back and get away from my wife," he said. She shouted some reply but I don't know what it was, "You need to get away from my wife" he said louder. She began to back away and then shouted, "Get away from me, don't you touch me. Don't you dare put your hands on me!" she was backing out of the room as she said this and then she heaved herself against the hallway wall. Then ran to a bedroom and slammed the door. Meanwhile my husband was still standing in front of me, so close we were touching. Her husband bustled her into their car, came and asked me if I was OK and they left. I was far from OK. No one had ever treated me that way, not even the middle school bullies, but certainly not someone I considered family. I was incredibly upset and developed a migraine almost the instant their car pulled out of the driveway and about a half hour later I began to vomit. About every 15 minutes for the next 6 hours, I vomited. Somewhere in there, after the 12th time, yes I kept track, I called my OB. I was just at the end of my first trimester of my first pregnancy. She told me to go to the ER. I continued the 6 hour heave even on meds, I took 2 bags of IV fluid and more meds. My baby and I were both on monitors. I described the various pains I was experiencing and saw the OB on staff. After about 9 hours I was discharged and went to Hub's Aunt's house to sleep a bit before having to make the 5 hour drive back because we had a deadline on the house the next morning. While we were there Brother called and informed us that SIL demanded an apology from my husband and I. Yes, from me too. He was informed, "That's not gonna happen" and things have continued to get worse over the years. At the time, I was able to remain calm because the pains I was experiencing were not the hard belly / back pain I was told to expect with labor and I knew I needed to try to not add anymore stressy body chemistry to my little baby. It wasn't until it was actually time to deliver the baby when I experienced my body's own version of labor that I realized I had been having contractions that summer.

I think back to that day and am thankful I didn't know I had been having contractions, though some of the things that happened in my haze at the hospital made more sense. I'm more than thankful that nothing came of it and my girl was born close to her due date, after another unexpected "visit" from Brother at our house. I've never personally experienced such greed, hate, and self-righteousness as I have during that evening nearly 7 years ago, nor did I think I'd still be dealing with my feelings about it after all these years. It makes me feel a little sick as I sit here telling my story knowing that it's still far from over.

7 comments:

No Princesses Here said...

WOW. Just wow. All other words fail me at the moment. Sorry you've had to deal with this. That is something else.....

MommyLovesStilettos said...

WOW! That is awful.

Came over from SITS to say hi.

marymac said...

It had to feel better to write that story out- at least, I hope so. Sometimes we blog so we don't kill someone, I swear! Love your honesty in this post and am glad baby and mommy were ok after all that stress. "Dysfunction Junction" is what my sister calls our family and I think it is hilarious! (and accurate!)

Thanks for stopping by my blog today- glad you did so I could find and enjoy yours. Cheers!

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

Wow...family dynamics are so tough. How sad that she had to act the way she did and good for you husband for sticking up for you. You have a good man and a crappy brother and sister in law...keep you eyes on the prize, and how wonderful that he didn't turn out like his brother.

Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels said...

This was no doubt made more unpleasant by the fact that you were pregnant. I am SO sorry this happened, it's horrible when we are disappointed and mistreated by people we love and trust.

ViolinMama said...

It still shocks me, when nothing should anymore. I just don't get how people act. And I come from some family issues and married into lots of dysfunction. I don't understand how anyone really thinks that is OK and needs apologies from you. I don't get it.

Hold tight to YOUR family unit. You are doing what's right there, and you will reap fruits from it when your children are older and have love for each other.

Love you!

ck said...

Wow. My head is spinning from that. Makes me glad I don't have any in-laws...

So glad you and your baby were okay, too.