Thursday, February 18, 2010

Reflecting on fathers

My brother met a really wonderful girl, (I should say woman, but he's my little brother so I still see him as a teen) a few months ago. His personality and convictions being what they are, at this point he is very serious about her and it is his intention to one day make her part of our family. And with our family, if one of us loves you - all of us do. Well, within reason.
Anyway, what I'm getting at is that we've accepted her into the family with the bonus that we all actually like her. Then yesterday something happened that I'm sure has nearly shattered her world. Her father had some sort of surgery on his lung Tuesday, he came out fine and was doing well until yesterday when he had a fatal heart attack. I can't even imagine how massive an attack it must have been for him to have been IN the hospital and still die. I can't imagine her grief right now. I was OK as I was on the phone with my mom, but when I called Hubs, I really started to lose it. I don't know why exactly. Yes, part of it is pure sadness for her, but I'm talking about being on the edge of not being able to pick the girls up from school. I don't know her very well and I've never met any of her family so is it something else? I don't know, but the most likely scenario is putting myself in her situation. Having just gotten serious with someone I can see marrying, with so many important times ahead...

Thinking of that naturally makes me think of my father. He isn't Father of the Century material, but he's a good guy. Certainly a better father than his, my mother's or my husband's were. He always worked hard, in a physically demanding profession, to provide as best as he could. Some years the provisions were more than others, but we survived the lean times somehow. Though he wasn't the most supportive, he was far from absent. He accepted my husband, then boyfriend, into the family before he met him, and despite the age difference, because he had faith in my feelings. He proudly walked me down the aisle. He waited anxiously in the hallway for the birth of my children. (Well, no one was there for #2, but that's another story). He loves my children and would spoil them rotten if he could. He's there when I need him and when I don't. He shares his interests with me and makes plans for how he'll share them with my kids when they're older. I think FSIL was close with her dad so I'm sure he'd have been right there with her for all the big moments to come. I'm so sorry for her that she won't get to share it with him.

1 comment:

ViolinMama said...

You are not alone. The news affects me and I'm sure many reading your post....its one of my biggest fears (facing my father's mortality) and then of course witnessing J's similar road before her own engagement and marriage. It is so painful and surreal.

You are a special sister in law to empathize so much. You could be more comfort to her later, when all the milestones hit her that her father will not be physically present for - you can be an understanding ear or shoulder.

Many hugs.