Wednesday, February 24, 2010

I'm sorry Hubs - sort of

I've mentioned it in the last few days that the basis for starting this blog is different from where I am coming from now. Sometimes, I need to write down the crap that happens to get it out of my brain, because if it stays in there it just bounces around and festers. However, I stopped doing it because I could never keep up with the stupid notebooks. I always meant to keep it in the bedside table, but it seems it was hardly ever there. Then I discovered blogging. Well actually, I discovered it, scoffed at it, found great DIY info on blogs, then accepted it into my life. I don't think I've ever misplaced my computer (not sure I will still be able to say this after I get a netbook though), so it seemed like a good repository for my bitching.

Now that more than 1 person is being exposed to my thoughts, I felt it was time to re-read the things I wrote about a year ago. First, I was shocked that even though we aren't actually fighting much these days, little has changed in his behavior or our patterns. Obviously something has changed in me: I think the PPD has finally realized that it overstayed its welcome as the baby is nearly 3. I still have bad days, I still feel like I'm in a fog most of the time, but the wild, overwhelming, funk that I was in isn't there so much.

So, I read my own words, refelt those feelings and contemplated where I want to go now. I still stand by what I wrote and I'm not embarrassed that I put some word-for-word spats out there for the world, but my husband might be. A year ago I didn't care because a) I didn't really tell any one about myself, this was more of a diary b) I wasn't concerning myself with him. Cranky Mommy was an accurate title rather than a tongue in cheek one. Now that I'm going with more of a working-my-way-out than I-don't-know-how-to-get-out view of depression, I think it's time to take down the nitty gritty. Don't get excited, it's not all that gritty.

OK so why am I bothering to tell you all this? Why don't I just take it down? Because there might be someone reading right now that could benefit from finding out another woman is married to a good guy who is often a crappy husband. It is a frustrating and isolating situation to be in. So, if you're so inclined there will be a few days to peruse but then I'll no longer embarrass my husband - in such great detail.

1 comment:

Elizabeth Patch said...

it sounds like a year of blogging has really documented your changes, and maybe you'll want to keep it somewhere to reread years from now. BTW, thanks so very much for stopping by my blog and helping make my SITS day so special!