Monday, September 21, 2009

Dear Monday 9/21,

I hope to find you rainy and dreary. Intermittent showers with bouts of hard pours would be nice. Some thunder and lightning perhaps? I'm sure you won't find it too hard.
Cranky Sarah
PS If it is at all possible that you could see to it that I wake to find a flooded basement, that would be super!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Too many blogs

I thought I'd share some thoughts that are in the works or have been expressed already on my other blogs that fit with my intent of this site.
"So, still not knowing anything about blogging, I started Montessori From Scratch about 13 months ago. I intended, and still do, to make it a place to learn how to, well, do what the title says. I'd hoped to find the materials, time and voice to make it a worthwhile place to visit. But, I've lost my voice somewhere. The poetry that used to flow in my head all day vanished years ago, the witty remarks that I formed in an instant became more and more rare. I'd found exhaustion, brain fog, depression and antipathy. I was too overwhelmed with the 3 kids and all the attention each one needed to make a cohesive lesson plan, to make the materials, do the projects, teach the lessons. I know many people do those things just fine, or even excellently, but not me, at least not the me I had become. It wasn't just the kids, you can read some of my cranky side and marriage tribulations if you're interested. But the plan wasn't working and neither was the blogging. I "gave up" for a while and went back to my natural form of teaching which I'd describe as "casual unschooling." I learned more about my children's learning styles and watched as my eldest grew beyond some of the early Montessori work. I realized that I was firmly on the eclectic side of schooling, which really was no surprise, I'm eclectic in many ways."

Notice how I said "other blogs"? Yeah, I'm beginning to come to the conclusion that I've got too many to handle properly, but I have a STRONG desire to compartmentalize. It is also sometimes debilitating. Not in any OCD type way, if that were the case, man would my house be organized. Debilitating in that I can take a stack of papers, of which there are many to choose from, and turn it into 14 different categories, or 37 as the real life case may be. Debilitating in that I can spend 2 hours sorting that one stack and look around at all the mess that was there plus the 37 new stacks and feel defeated. Paperwork has kicked my ass. Moving into my husband's house has kicked my ass. Falling into traps of going along with his way and the ensuing power struggles when I realized his way is a wreck, have kicked my ass. And since this has been going on for 11 years, it's kicked me in many other places too. Flylady says just spend 15 minutes, just spend an hour and I think people are supposed to get some sort of pride out of that. Maybe I've become a pessimist, but that just doesn't cut it for me. I dream of taking everything out of this house, finishing all the unfinished projects, fixing all the problems and moving back in 1 box at time. I really dream of living in a different house (although I've become attached to the location, which happens to come with some great neighbors), which may have to happen if the job situation calls for it, but I'd want to do the other thing first so we could actually sell this one. And this has ended up in a place I didn't know I was going, but that's what's on my mind during any free moment. If only I could compartmentalize my thoughts.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Oh, Daaaddyy

Since Hubs has been out of work for quite some time now, a year and 3 months, and freelance or contract work has been sporadic, he's been home a lot. I've really been trying to not let his "habits" get on my nerves, because honestly they can only take so much. But it's hard. For instance:
I like to keep the toilet lids closed but when he's done he lowers the seat only. Is it so much harder to close both at the same time? I'd understand it more if he left it up entirely.
I can tell you generally, often specifically, what he's snacked on by which cabinet doors are open and what texture the smears on the refrigerator handle are.
He doesn't wash the kids cups as a set. I never have the same amount of cups, lids and valves in the drawer which is OK, I guess, except when there's less than 3 of any one part.
If he's going to get cranky about what time the kids go to bed, then why doesn't he help get them there?
OK I won't indulge my thinly veiled whining any longer. My real problem was stated in the first sentence. However, my upbringing did prepare me for that. As the family of a contractor, it was always feast or famine in our house. So I've got an example of how a marriage and a family survive during those tight times, but instead of keeping on paring down our lives, we're spending more. And I'm simply frustrated by feeling guilty with every purchase. But we had to get a minivan, which has a payment and higher insurance, and I simply didn't do well homeschooling the eldest while the 2 youngers were at home so this year they're in preschool. And the eldest is also at the highest age for beginner ballet and I know her, if she started when she was older and everyone else knew more than she did and she was always behind or lost, her love would quickly die. And how hard is it to put one kid in and not the other? Too hard for me. Hubs field is so small - and usually the first on the chopping block - I don't know which is harder, not getting any response at all when resumes are sent in or there not even being any jobs to apply for.
OK, thanks for the ear. I'm done whining!
(Title phrase is what my 3 year old has started saying when she comes across the results of one of Hubs' bad habits)