Sunday, June 28, 2009

What is it?

I'm feeling cranky and out of sorts. Not like myself. I had a terrible dream last night and I can't stop thinking about it. I'm feeling disconnected from my friends. I feel a pent up energy from all the projects I want to do but since I can't it's not a good energy, it's turning sour. I'm feeling discouraged with Hubs job search: there are some jobs in far away states none here and none close. I don't know if he's applied to those or not: he'd told me he'd apply to anything that came up, but I don't know if he actually has. Having to move is better than going bankrupt. I totally understand why he didn't go for a BSME but it's hard knowing that all of the jobs he's interviewed for went to BSMEs even though they were advertised as ID. (Although, who knows who was hired by the cheapskates. The company relisted the job under its various division names at a much lower rate than they were initally offering). I'm still not sleeping. Hubs was home by himself all day and did nothing much. He unearthed some old stereo equipment, messed around with it and played computer games. Then after we got home - he took a nap. He didn't help with the kids and then stayed up late online.
I have no energy am in a lot of pain and have had a higher than usual level of headache for the past several weeks. I need a shower, if I'd had one maybe I'd be feeling differently right now - that and if I'd slept after 4am this morning.

1 comment:

ViolinMama said...

not sure if I should be commenting here - but rereading this again now knowing what I know, and feeling so stupid for misreading things on our end - I know what you mean about feeling that disconnect from friends, and now you know why you were feeling it. We were battling it with Hubs (and you by default)and it was seeping through and you were sensing it, but confused. I'm praying healing and forgiveness can come. I e-mailed you. If I don't hear back before leaving, I'll call. This just became a huge mess and we'd like to start over.