Sunday, June 28, 2009

What is it?

I'm feeling cranky and out of sorts. Not like myself. I had a terrible dream last night and I can't stop thinking about it. I'm feeling disconnected from my friends. I feel a pent up energy from all the projects I want to do but since I can't it's not a good energy, it's turning sour. I'm feeling discouraged with Hubs job search: there are some jobs in far away states none here and none close. I don't know if he's applied to those or not: he'd told me he'd apply to anything that came up, but I don't know if he actually has. Having to move is better than going bankrupt. I totally understand why he didn't go for a BSME but it's hard knowing that all of the jobs he's interviewed for went to BSMEs even though they were advertised as ID. (Although, who knows who was hired by the cheapskates. The company relisted the job under its various division names at a much lower rate than they were initally offering). I'm still not sleeping. Hubs was home by himself all day and did nothing much. He unearthed some old stereo equipment, messed around with it and played computer games. Then after we got home - he took a nap. He didn't help with the kids and then stayed up late online.
I have no energy am in a lot of pain and have had a higher than usual level of headache for the past several weeks. I need a shower, if I'd had one maybe I'd be feeling differently right now - that and if I'd slept after 4am this morning.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

How can he not know?

Somehow Hubs manages to leave food smears and spills all over the house. Almost any door jamb he walks through will show evidence of his hands or what ever drink he's carrying. Don't even look at the base boards next to the kitchen door or the back door - yikes all that coffee! Some mornings you could play puddle jumper from the bedroom down the hall, stairs, and to the kitchen backtracking his steps from earlier. But really, how can he stand at the counter, pouring his coffee and not know he's spilling this much? Sorry for the low pix quality, photoshop is being buggy.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Kinship from an unlikely source

Hubs somehow found out about a publication and decided to try the free copy to see if it was something he'd like. Predictably, he hasn't cracked the cover while I've read it in its entirety (if it weren't for me, none of his alumni or IDSA magazines/newsletters would be read either HAHA!). I didn't know what to expect from something he's chosen, his interests are so varied and he likes to read things that are way outside his world in order to learn more about others. Anyway...
The magazine was The Sun, here's an interesting interview with it's publisher that gives some idea as to the content of the magazine.
You never can tell where you'll find kinship in this world, but that fact of the matter is that people are more alike than different (aside from those with serious psychosis of course). One of the regular features is from the publisher and this month had an entry that rang true with me. I've never really stopped to think what I might have in common with a 60 year old, journalist, Jewish, man. But now that the connection has been brought to my attention, perhaps I'll remember to look for the connections I might have with others with a broader stroke. If nothing else, he and I like to start sentences with "but"!
Here's the portion that made me stop and think about this
(I also really loved the article by John Malkin and learned something about MLK that I didn't know, thanks public school education)
From: The Sun, June 2009 Issue
Excerpted from "Sy Safransky's Notebook"
If I do nothing else today, let me remember to stop maligning myself. What an ingrained habit that is: the finger-wagging and finger-pointing, my own Republican attack machine finding fault with nearly everything I do. "Sy Safransky wants us to believe there are only twenty-four hours in a day. That's not change we can believe in." "Sy Safransky insists he's doing the best he can. But his best clearly isn't good enough." What do I say to the bullies in the room, to the disembodied scolding voices of the dead parents and dead teachers and dead rabbis? They're all gone now, and I'm a man in my sixties, a voice of authority myself. Why be pushed around by ghosts? Why try to curry favor with them by making jokes at my own expense? What a rich tradition of self-effacing mockery can I draw upon: the gallows humor of shtetl Jews who considered it a good day if they could make their tormentors laugh. But those tormentors are dead, too, just more ghosts jockeying for a place in line. So listen up, ghosts: After all these years of being criticized and diminished and demeaned, I say, Enough! A man's home can't be his castle if he's living in a haunted house. So, by the power invested in me by the consciousness that is my birthright, I shove my boot up your phantasmagoric asses and kick you our the door.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

He's hanging around a lot

I may have mentioned that my computer is dying a slow death, if not here than at my other site. I haven't been using it much, which wasn't really a big deal while Hubs was at work but proves a different challenge with him home so much. Now that the initial force of getting things done has had it's predictable wind down, he's on the computer a lot and when he does let me have some time, he's frequently sitting right next to me. Not to spy or anything, I think, but out of laziness and perhaps a little possessiveness.
We've been getting along OK except that when ever he asks for my opinion or to help solve some problem, he will most likely do the opposite of what I said - with bad results. It's very frustrating. Not only is it the frustration of "Why even ask me in the first place" it's also the fact that I have to deal with the consequences AND I'm usually the one who has to fix it.
Not that having him out of the house will solve that particular problem but this morning he was given a 4 week contract that will start the first full week of July,. I just hope he doesn't squander the remainder of his time at home as he's been doing for the last couple of weeks. It's with the company he was most recently with, so what I'm silently hoping is that this lift on contractors freeze will quickly lead to a lift on their hiring freeze.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Whistle while you work

because it is better than muttering under your breath.

For certain things, Hubs and I just do not work well together. And we seem to be undertaking many of those things since he has been home.

Are details necessary? Because I could give you details - details out the wazoo. I'll be happy when he gets another job for so many reasons other than the paycheck. Although, to tell the truth, when we are getting along, I do really like having him around all the time; most of the time; some of the time

Looking for the light

I let myself get somewhat discouraged with blogging here just because I couldn't get the photos I wanted to accompany my anniversary post. It's the fault of my scanner and not blogger or anything. Yet, sometimes I get so stuck in the perfectionist side of myself that I can't let it go. But there's been quite a few things happening here. Not the least of which was the passing of another anniversary, not a good one. We passed the 1 year mark of Hubs being without an official job. He's had some contract work to tide us over but this last one was not enough income to meet the bills so we've been slowly whittling away at the bank account. And now the job is over. It's hard to look at it and know we can only make it 2 more months - or less if something big comes up. It's also frustrating to know that there were several positions at this company that he was recommended for that had hiring freezes put on so they thought they'd move him to another project, as a contractor, after his non-compete agreement from his last full-time job ran out this month but the kibosh was put on contract workers, too. He was told he was the most qualified person for the contract job he interviewed for last week, but it went to someone cheaper. Gee thank you head-hunters for revealing to the company that he'd like to get more money BEFORE they offered a job. Just because his goal rate at a full-time job is $X doesn't mean he won't work for 75% of $X. (And then please, please don't call the next day about a job that pays less than half of that rate. If you feel the need to reveal to 1 potential employer that his goal is more than the job pays, why-oh-why would you even bother putting him in for a CAD drafting job? "Yes, we have the perfect person for the job, but he'd like to be paid 250% of your offer")
Sorry, job/money worries took over this post. I can't talk to Hubs about it, he gets discouraged, depressed and surly. Besides, it's not like he's not thinking about it, too. And if I tell my parents they just worry too much. And though my friends are aware of it, I don't really talk about it with them because it's a depressing topic and hard to make a segue from!

Monday, June 8, 2009

Wow

Hubs and I have been having a rough couple of weeks, I'm working on writing some of that out. But today as he clearly saw that not only was I having trouble with the kids doing as they were told - which was to get dressed, clean up their mess, specific tasks for accomplishing those things etc. I was also not really able to accomplish anything myself because 1. they would not help. 2. what they were doing was either getting in the way or making more mess and 3. they were squabbling amongst themselves so much that I was doing little other than intervening. He came and told a crying-out-of-frustration me that he would take the kids out somewhere to get a snack and play - him all by himself with 3 kids. He called a few minutes ago to get a recommendation on a shady park. He hates going to the park but he's doing it for me and the kids!!! I just had to take a break from sweeping/vacuuming/mopping to tell you!

PS If I didn't have kids I'd never hang out at the park either - duh!