Thursday, March 26, 2009

Cranky Thursday

Thankful Thursday will follow, right now I need to be cranky / confess my crankies

I had a hard day on Tuesday, I'm not exactly sure what made it extra hard, hormones most likely. We had a picnic lunch invite but it took us more than an hour and 2 time outs before we left the house - to walk next door. Then AT wanted to stay to have quiet time with Radiant (am I remembering the nickname right?) Which I thought would be great because then GR and I could have some quality time together while AK napped. Nope, she was only interested in computer time, nothing else enticed her. And I indulged her, she's new to the computer and can't get on without battling AK who wants to bang the keys and AT who wants to tell her how to do everything / talk her out of her turn. I got dinner going at a decent time and it was delish. The kids agreed, but you'd never know by how long it took them to eat it. Hours of arguing about eating later and it's time to clean up and go to bed. Hours of arguing later and it's time to get in bed and still get 1 story (I have a hard time cutting that out) The girls both kept climbing on their doll-baby bed boxes. Over and over. They have had these doll-baby beds since Christmas '07. For a while, the beds weren't put together because I didn't have the time. After a while, it was because I'd seen a pattern of behavior - standing on top of the boxes. Daily. Everyday for more than a year, I've caught them standing or sitting on these boxes. This is an issue because the beds are slightly delicate and I don't want them to stand or sit on them once assembled. They needed to learn to resist the temptation of doing this, that would earn them the assembly of the beds. Am I wrong? Is this too much to expect of a 5 and 3 year old? But after a hard evening of whining and arguing, both girls repeatedly sat or stood on the boxes, right in front of me. One pattern was AT came in from the bathroom, directly to the box and sat down. Get off the box. She gets off puts a nighttime pull-up on, stands to pull them up, but instead sits on the box. Get off the box. She pulls up the pull-up, steps on the box to go to her closet. Get off the box. She gets her night gown, and sits on the box. GET OFF THE BOX. She puts on her nightgown, gets socks and This whole thing takes about as long as it took you to read it. Seriously, she's 5, I ought to be able to expect her to remember something she's been told daily for more than a year, something that she just heard repeatedly told to her sister, something that I've JUST told her several times. I lost it. THAT'S IT WE'RE GETTING RID OF THE BABY BEDS AND YOU CAN NEVER HAVE THEM. I'M SICK OF YOU TREATING EVERYTHING LIKE TRASH. I took the boxes downstairs then went back up and told them I was tired of the arguing and whining that they needed to get in bed right now, if they still didn't have everything they wanted in bed that was too bad and I didn't want to see or hear them again until I got them up in the morning. I seethed in the hallway for a few moments, unable to catch my breath. Angry at them, angry at myself. Then went down stairs and cried. I don't know what happened to the beds but they aren't in my sight now. This morning, I told my mom she had to take them back. Wednesday, we started working on answering with "Yes Ma'am, I'll [repeat instruction] right now."
GR started getting smacky {this means she started smacking her sister} so I made her take a nap while AK did. AT and I layed in my bed I dozed while she watched Arthur. I was woken up by a phone call. Hubs rear-ended someone. Hubs has had 5 accidents and numerous speeding tickets in our 10 years together. He insists that he is a good and safe driver. I squinch my eyes and clench my fists when I'm riding with him. We argue about his driving.
The insurance cards are not in the car. and BONUS - the tag is expired. I spent the weekend feeling defeated by paperwork I went through everything and ended up with 37 file folders / categories of paperwork that was on my kitchen counter - not a single one of those envelopes was a tag renewal notice. (none were mortgage statements either (which are autopay) - something is going wrong with the mail either before it gets to the box or while it is waiting for us to get it out). As if I don't feel bad enough over my recent scatterbrain-ness with the bills, as if I wasn't already mad at Hubs for racking up more than $400 in bank nsf fees, just a week after I asked him if he had enough $ in his account. As if he hasn't had a real job in the last 9 months and we're running out of savings. As if I didn't see a glint at the end of the tunnel.
That's what makes it hard for me. Not feeling knocked further down than I was. I was a terrible mom the day before. I'm terrible with physically keeping up with bills that I do get, so it's impossible for me to keep up with the ones I don't even get. Hubs has spent thousands on bank fees due to lack of checking his balance over the years, thousands on paying for the consequences of his bad driving. I really want to crawl in a hole and say what's the point. So after I make/eat/clean up dinner, get the kids to put away toys, bathed, in jammies, in bed and what ever else comes up, I'll do Thankful Thursday.

1 comment:

ViolinMama said...

So, I tried to post to this earlier, just to say Tuesday evening was cursed.

I've been emotional this week (ok, fine, I admit everyday) and Tues after Lovely left your yard without permission in like 2 seconds and went into the house without telling me, giving me a heart attack, and a pain in my chest (a stress issue I have....I had in college. I got checked out then, and no diagnosis was made aside from stress OR possible future pancreatic attack someday manifesting - FUN - but, I haven't felt that ache in years) and just feeling so down that I can't stay consistent enough like you can, that I lose my one walking child while you do VERY well with 3, etc. I was also tense with Hubbyy, tired, cranky, emotional, "done". It was fine until that moment. I swear, I go from HIGHS to LOWS easily.

Anyways, reading this about the girls not listening to simple instructions makes me feel less alone (you still beat me in the consistent parenting) because Lovely is doing the same thing. Almost verbatim to your posted story!! I have to repeat 1000 times! I think it must be a 5 year old phase. As for E - being 3, and being head strong I think is the key too. But, I'm saying that only with the perspective of your story, since I've been wondering this week why parenting got harder all of the sudden in these new ways for age 5. Now it feels universal. I should look it up in a chapter.

We're working on the "Yes, mam I will do ___" too.

As for all the Hubs drama, I'm SO sorry about the car, the paperwork, the fees, the headache. I'm with you...where is the hole to hide in? I'm sorry for the stress. Did it set back the progress of late? I'm sorry. How are you doing now? I know it adds more to your overwhelmed plate. Anything I can do? I know this can't help all the stress you all are under for so many reasons. I wish I knew what more to say. I'm glad you let it out though.

And by the way....even though one of my successes this week was being a "better" mom (till Tues night) I still use TV constantly, and daily, and like one of your posters said on their blog...we gotta do what we gotta do. I think tomorrow will be a TV day for us....look how late I'm up and can't sleep. Movie/TV/ and maybe even for me.....I need to 'check out' some :( I'm all about coming clean on my mommy flaws, and part of the reason I blog about the 'accomplishments' is to hold myself accountable and to know that once in a while, I do keep my family centered and together. You are not alone, especially on blog land!